Signs You May Have a Gay Roommate

I spent my first year of college attending UC Santa Barbara. During this time, I had two roommates. The first was a Korean guy that would not talk to me no matter how much effort I put into trying to converse with him. Eventually, a friend of mine found out the reason for this. My roommate out-right stated that he “did not know how to talk to white people.” Considering it is not really that different than talking to a person of any other race, I realized that he did not like white people. It is true that I never saw him talking to anyone that was not Asian, so I had to just accept that my roommate was racist. Halfway through the year though, he moved out. I saw this as a blessing. I waited in suspense to find out who my next roommate would be.

When my next roommate introduced himself, I knew I was going to get along with him better than the first roommate (as he did not seem offended by my skin color). However, it did not take long before I noticed he was trying to hide something from me. He had a secret, and he was clearly perturbed by the possibility of me discovering it.

My first hint as to what this secret could be came a couple days after his arrival — I introduced him to some of my friends. These friends would often joke around and act homosexual (They did not really make homosexual jokes or commit the typical act you might consider making fun of homosexuals; instead, they mostly just climbed on top of each other and touched men inappropriately whilst giggling. I personally did not understand how any of it was a joke and struggled to differentiate it from being homosexual). Regardless, ten minutes after my friends met my roommate, they were already explaining to him that, although they act gay quite often, they are not actually into men. Later in the night, once my friends had left, I asked my roommate how he thought that went (I was worried he would be scared of me by now). He said, “Your friends are great!! They seem so awesome!”

Then came the second hint; I had already told my friends that something was off about my roommate, and he might be trying to hide that he is gay. When we came back to my dorm room on a weekend night, we noticed there had been some work done in my bathroom. I went in to investigate and discovered that, attached to my toilet, there was a bidet. In case you do not know what that is, it is something you attach to the toilet that sprays water in places that you might need to have cleaned after using the restroom. Basically, it cleans your butthole. It was hard not to assume anything, but I tried not to jump to any conclusions.

The next day, the third hint followed. I came home to see my friends standing outside my dorm room, waiting for me. They had access to my room and told me they were just in there and had to leave. I asked what had happened. They told me that this was something I should hear for myself. We opened my door and walked inside. Everything seemed normal. The room was fine, and my roommate was in the bathroom taking a shower. Then they told me to listen closer. I waited for a few seconds, wondering what was wrong with them; then I heard two men talking from inside the bathroom. I told my friends, “Maybe they’re just talking in the bathroom, and my roommate turned on the shower because he planned to take one once his friend left.” Then I heard all the grunting and other sounds that proved my statement to be incorrect. One of my friends looked at me and said, “Well, at least we know his butthole is clean. I’m sure his boyfriend appreciates that.” A week after moving in, and my new roommate was already having gay sex in our shower. The next few days were an awkward few. I had to have the “I know you’re gay” conversation with my roommate and had to prove to him that my friends and I really do not mind.

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