1) Spaghetti won’t even let you eat it.
2) God accidentally let you be born. (He would have stopped it if he had been paying any attention)
3) Subway employees call you “Mr. Shithead.”
4) I call you, “the worst problem the world has ever faced.” (and you don’t even want to know what your mother calls you when you aren’t around)
5) My gay roommate says he wouldn’t have sex with you, even if you were the last male on the planet.
6) Cats talk to me… just to tell me how much you suck. (sidenote: cats are assholes)
The reason I know I am a horrible person… is because all of these are from one conversation. I do not even want to begin looking further into the past to remind myself of all the disses I have so rudely blurted out.